A Conversation Starter

I don't have much time to post this so it is devoid of links and media, however it is rich in content.

Tuesday I engaged in an email conversation concerning the announcement that Budweiser was going to start production of a left-handed beer can for all you Southpaws. Obviously this was an April Fools joke, but it got me thinking about what I consider to be my drinking hand. Of course, something this complex cannnot be boiled down to simply left or right. So, I engaged in an in-depth study of how I drink and also how I perceive drinking. Here is what I came up with:

- When playing cards, my left hand is my card holding hand. Therefore all drinking is done with the right. As is card laying/slapping.

- My right hand is my mug/stein hand when grabbing by handle usually, however when grabbing the stein by placing the hand fully inside the handle and wrapping said hand around the outside of the glass it's a left hand job.

- When bonging using a valve, the right hand is considered the drinking hand because it is used to turn the spout, controlling the flow of liquid. The left plays a support role in holding the bong.

- When bonging not using a valve the left hand is considered the drinking hand because the right hand dangles to the side, possibly placed on the floor. This means that the "drinking hand" defaults to the left since it kind of plays a part.

- Obviously Edward 40 hands is disregarded for this situation, although I almost always finish lefty first and open lefty with my teeth first. This same logic applies to "double fisting".

- Shotgunning (while potentially messy) is a two parter. The right hand initiates the flow, while the left controls the flow. Unlike the beer bong with the valve (which some people will close and ruin the point of a beer bong) each hand plays a part in flow distribution and so both are considered drinking hands.

- Keg stands would appear to be a combined effort, however it actually involve yours and two other peoples hands holding you up (on average) and one other person's hand pumping the keg so technically you have 7 drinking hands for a keg stand. Since I pour with my left and hold the cup with my right when filling a normal keg glass, and do both with my left and pump with my right only when needed, I am defaulting this over to the left hand.

- When I use my beer helmet I use my right fingers to pinch the tube off to constrict flow, and I also put the tube pointed up to the right of my head using my right hand to avoid beer dripping all over my chest/legs. This makes the drinking hand my right hand.

- When drinking boots I point the toe of the boot to the right and place my right hand on the sole of the boot with my left up by my mouth. Since the right hand is doing the tipping back of the boot my drinking hand is my right hand.

This probably doesn't cover all situations, and I deleted the response my email got and can't remember what people said, but I'd love to hear what other people think about this complex concept. It wasted at least a half hour of my time at work yesterday, so hopefully it does something similar for you.

Tips from the Daymonster

Yesterday I dropped off 19 shirts and three pairs of pants at the dry cleaners. When I pick those up today it's going to cost me more than 50 dollars. It's definitely worth it, because the last time I tried to wash some of my dress pants I really messed them up. On occasion I will iron my own shirts, but only on rare instances as I would always rather pay someone $1.50 to do it for me. For those of you who do not know how to iron, I will give you the tricks I have learned.

1. Make sure the iron is a the right temperature. Hotter for cottons, cooler for mixed fabrics. Just look at the dial on the iron. I'd tell you about using the steam feature but the iron I bought doesn't have one because it was 10 dollars.

2. Iron the top back part first (up near the collar, where your shoulders are) by sliding part of the sleeve into the ironing board tip and then doing the other side the same way.

3. Now do the collar. Lay it flat on the ironing board and go over it fairly quickly. The collar seems easy to burn.

4. Do the sleeves third. Unbutton the cuffs and iron those. Then take your time and make sure you make a single crease from the shoulder to the cuff and flatten out the sleeves. Iron the sleeves very carefully. Switch the sleeve over and make sure there are no wrinkles and line up the crease again. Iron that side.

5. Now to the main part of the shirt. Iron the one of the front sides and work your way around. Be careful between the buttons.

6. For extra crispness use some spray on starch. The can recommends spraying the whole thing first but I think spraying each part as you iron works better. Make sure you let the spray penetrate the fabric or else it can get really shinny or get white flakes.

7. Or get a shit-ton of the Downey Wrinkle Releaser, some Febreeze and call it a day.

There you have it, my tip for this Friday on how to iron your shirt. Stay tuned for next week when Squatting Bear shows us how to make a lovely double-chocolate fudge bundt cake.

Also, here is a Wired Magazine interview with Shane Kim, corporate vice president of Microsoft Game Studios. It's long and kinda boring but it gives a bit of insight into where the Xbox is going.

Call of Duty 4 won AIAS Game of the Year. The game also beat Halo again this week for most played on Xbox Live. Pablito, it's 50 bucks, go buy it.

Writes and major media companies end writer's strike.