A Conversation Starter

I don't have much time to post this so it is devoid of links and media, however it is rich in content.

Tuesday I engaged in an email conversation concerning the announcement that Budweiser was going to start production of a left-handed beer can for all you Southpaws. Obviously this was an April Fools joke, but it got me thinking about what I consider to be my drinking hand. Of course, something this complex cannnot be boiled down to simply left or right. So, I engaged in an in-depth study of how I drink and also how I perceive drinking. Here is what I came up with:

- When playing cards, my left hand is my card holding hand. Therefore all drinking is done with the right. As is card laying/slapping.

- My right hand is my mug/stein hand when grabbing by handle usually, however when grabbing the stein by placing the hand fully inside the handle and wrapping said hand around the outside of the glass it's a left hand job.

- When bonging using a valve, the right hand is considered the drinking hand because it is used to turn the spout, controlling the flow of liquid. The left plays a support role in holding the bong.

- When bonging not using a valve the left hand is considered the drinking hand because the right hand dangles to the side, possibly placed on the floor. This means that the "drinking hand" defaults to the left since it kind of plays a part.

- Obviously Edward 40 hands is disregarded for this situation, although I almost always finish lefty first and open lefty with my teeth first. This same logic applies to "double fisting".

- Shotgunning (while potentially messy) is a two parter. The right hand initiates the flow, while the left controls the flow. Unlike the beer bong with the valve (which some people will close and ruin the point of a beer bong) each hand plays a part in flow distribution and so both are considered drinking hands.

- Keg stands would appear to be a combined effort, however it actually involve yours and two other peoples hands holding you up (on average) and one other person's hand pumping the keg so technically you have 7 drinking hands for a keg stand. Since I pour with my left and hold the cup with my right when filling a normal keg glass, and do both with my left and pump with my right only when needed, I am defaulting this over to the left hand.

- When I use my beer helmet I use my right fingers to pinch the tube off to constrict flow, and I also put the tube pointed up to the right of my head using my right hand to avoid beer dripping all over my chest/legs. This makes the drinking hand my right hand.

- When drinking boots I point the toe of the boot to the right and place my right hand on the sole of the boot with my left up by my mouth. Since the right hand is doing the tipping back of the boot my drinking hand is my right hand.

This probably doesn't cover all situations, and I deleted the response my email got and can't remember what people said, but I'd love to hear what other people think about this complex concept. It wasted at least a half hour of my time at work yesterday, so hopefully it does something similar for you.