Fill in the caption

What is Warthog about to say?

The Gamblers they broke even...

We're out. One Unky is off to Iowa City and another Unky is headed to Rochester. This summer has included parties at the Clubhouse, Twins games, birthdays, karoake , and KofC weddings. Awesome summer.

Share your highlights in the comments!

Let's get some more posts!

Welcome to the Cities Unkys (or Unkies)

Welcome to the Twins Cities Metro Area. It's going to be good having you guys around.

So, SB, Pablito and I were discussing things we wanted to do this summer.

1. Halo 1 LAN

2. KofC Clubhouse Party

3. 1 & 2 together probably.

4. KofC Paintball outing

5. Trip to Cedar Point in Ohio.

6. Renting the Flowrider at the Waterpark of America.

Any more ideas, or vote for your favorite and a good date for it in the comments.

Winner: Unky Warthog

Warthog won the 5 blog points because it just happens to be the only one where I wouldn't have to move the bubbles around. Warthog and SB should be on the road now, so hopefully they will give us an update on their way to Vegas. I'm guessing not.

Unkys Graduate, Their Lives are Over.

Photo caption contest. What are the Unkys saying? Best answer gets 100 blog points.

News from the Monster

After a terrible night watching the Twins season end. I have some things I want to talk to the KofC about. It's been a while since a real post and I can't say that this one will be that well written, but some of it should be interesting.

I am not exactly sure when it is, but I think it's exactly our one year anniversary. Halo 3 came out on September 25th, 2007 and it looks the first post was on Oct 1st, 2007. So to all Happy Anniversary. A lot has happened in the last year.

- Some clan members got married. (Can't find link... but it was Tilla)

- Some clan members "betrayed" the clan.

- We almost got sued.

- We talked about assists and efficiency formulas.

- We added several new members: Unky Warthog, Unky Playboy, Unky Eternal, Adeclipse, DJ Maestro, McHolla and Shoes McGee.

There is probably more than that, that has happened, but oh well.



UPDATE: Not-so-Bad News:
Squatting Bear's mom told my mom that Squatting Bear would be televised on ESPN2. I stayed up the whole time watching and I never saw him. I wasn't paying enough attention to see him in the background or something but I was paying fairly close attention to the others at the table.

SB, what gives? Were you on there? Who was at your table on day 3?

Nevermind... I found it.

Go to 6:43. Look to Phil's left.

Happy Birthday Unky Warthog

As you have noticed, I try to give out Birthday wishes to member of KofC when I can remember (read when facebook reminds me). Again, apologies to SB and any other member who I have neglected.

Birthdays in general are pretty meaningless in my humble opinion. Except for those that fall on major milestones. 16: Drive. 18:Gamble and Pornography in most states. And of course 21: Gamble, Porn, Drink in all 50 states. Pretty much you can do what ever age restricted thing you want for the rest of your life. Except of course you can't rent a car without the big insurance charge and you can't get the senior citizens discount... yet.

Either way, that's one more person in the KofC that is of legal drinking age. Eternal are you there yet? Playboy, don't even have a guess at your age. Am I missing anyone?

Good Luck Unky Warthog!

As many of you know we will be missing the services of our best driver. That's because Unky Warthog has left for Malta, the small island nation in the Mediterranean Sea. The geography of Malta is what the maps Valhalla and Standoff were modeled after and Unky is spending the next semester mastering the terrain in a real world setting.


I think I speak for everyone at the Knights of Cydonia, when I say "Good Luck Unky" and I am sure you will be an even better hog driver when you get back in the summer.

To read more about Malta check out the following links.
Wikipedia Malta
CIA Factbook on Malta
Official Tourism site for Malta
University of Malta

This is also my prediction for the new vehicle on one of the new maps. Unky get ready to own in this guy.

When the Knights are Away, Unky Will Play

Sometimes being done with school is not always so great. Sure, you get to sleep in until 11 or 12, or whenever Unky Deb decides to pester you with some chores. But what is there to do once you actually get up?


Of course, I browse ESPN, reliving Sunday's unfortunate happenings and pondering outlandish obsessions (Dammer?).


Then I check my e-mail only to find that no new soft-core porn has arrived from the various sites I subscribe to.


Next I log onto KofC to find what tidbit of brilliance Daymonster has for us today, when I see a great post about Damnation! So I quickly log onto bungie. net only to find Unky has no friends online. How upsetting!

Left with a choice between trying to resurrect my dying poker career or playing H3 without the Knights I choose the former. I make a few bones, but it's really not all that much fun. And I find myself making some poor plays. So here I am, waiting until the Knights log on so I can pwn some nubblets. Hopefully I'll be able to rank up 3 to a 30. But let's face it, Unky's destined to, forever be, a Grade 3.

Unky's Date

While I do not know for a fact how Unky's date went last night; but here is how I imagined it went.

I did, however, have an idea of what the lucky female might look like.

I decided to do a little research to see if we could get a better guess. After "camping" Tim's facebook I have narrowed it down to 3 possible ladies (my results are based on a complex equation of wall posting frequency and picture appearances.)

Name: Meg
Pros: Doesn't appear to be ugly.
Cons: Either has a kid or wants a kid.








Name: Siri
Pros: Has nice teeth (as far as I can tell in a 1x1in picture).
Cons: Again, clearly wants kids ASAP.




Name: Ashley
Pros: Possibly has a good sense of humor
Cons: More than likely she is completely crazy.










The Date:
8:00pm: Unky picks up Ashley/Siri/Meg around 8pm outside the Library in his newly washed and vacuumed Warthog.

8:03pm: They exchanged pleasantries, and Unky tells a hilarious joke that makes Ashley/Siri/Meg snort, which eases the uncomfortable sexual tension.

8:08pm: They make their way to the local cineplex to catch the 8:23 showing of Mr. Woodcock.

8:20pm: In the back of the theatre, Unky sits down next to Ashley/Siri/Meg with a Large Coke, Sourpatch Kids and Popcorn, and places his arm around her.

8:25pm: The movie lights lower and Unky places his trigger hand on her thigh, she swoons.

8:45pm: Unky takes a page right out of Squatting Bear's book and places Ashley/Siri/Meg's hand it perfect HJ position.

8:46pm: Unky goes to the bathroom to clean up.

8:59pm: Ashley/Siri/Meg is gone. Unky goes to play Halo.

This is how I will remember this date happening until Unky posts the true story.

Unky date > Halo!?

The following conversation occurred on AOL Instant Messenger at 9:21pm CST. This is copied and pasted and is word-for-word and completely accurate*

*except for the last sentence

Daymonster: halo... now.
Unky: can't
Unky: unky date
Daymonster: liar
Unky: it's true
Unky: i'll have a good blog tomorrow
Daymonster: prove it
Daymonster: as long as we have pic and lots of info
Unky: haha
Unky: i promise i will give all details and include nude pic

I think we can all look forward to Unky's next post.

More of Unky's Talents

We always knew Unky was talented, either eating phallic shaped foods, or driving warthogs in the African Safari. But who knew that Unky once moonlite as a chemistry video personality and spokesperson.

Delicious plum pudding...

Well, not exactly. However, my cluster did buy not one, not two, but 5 BOTTLES OF EVERCLEAR! Last night, in the midst of studying for 2 tests today, my cluster got a start on what will be a wonderful wop. We added in the alcohol and fruit bites (canteloupe, pears, strawberries, cherries (not you, Cherry), apples, and oranges), and later today we will add in the fruit punch concentrate. I cannot wait. So come one, come all to what will surely be an enjoyable night. Who knows, you might even get treated to the luxurious accommodations of Winneshiek Hospital!

Knights of Cydonia: Get to Know 'Em (Unky Warthog)

Every week (or so) there will be a Bio for each member of the KofC. Who better to start it off with than our newest member and team chauffeur, Unky Warthog.

Name: Unky Warthog

Age: 20

Which of your many nicknames is your favorite? Hmmm... Unky, Burr, or Two-Ton? It's gotta be Unky.

If you could go out drinking with any three people (alive, dead or video game characters) who would they be? Chris Farley and his two best friends.

Favorite Drink? Rockstar Energy Drink

Favorite Food? Pizza Hut Pepperoni Pizza

Favorite Sports Team(s)? Atlanta Braves and Dallas Cowboys

Prediction for the World Series? Rockies in 6

Favorite Video Game system? XBox 360

Favorite Video Game? Final Fantasy VII

What is your favorite Halo 3 weapon? Warthog [I was really hopping this was true according to his Bungie stats but unfortunately, it would be the assault rifle]

What is your favorite Halo 3 map? Epitaph

Halo 3 Game type? Team Slayer

Which is the best, Halo, Halo 2 or Halo 3? Halo 3

What is your favorite warthog to drive, the machine gun hog, the Gauss hog, or the 6 person transport hog? Standard Warthog please.

Your greatest Halo memory/achievement? The first day I sat in the driver seat of a Warthog in Halo 1. This is probably the greatest memory of my entire life.

Your worst Halo memory? I was standing on the middle platform in Wizard shooting a huge nub, ChrisSchveiger, when I anticipated him going up a side ramp. As he went up I threw a perfect 'nade that would have surely killed him, but because he is such a huge nub he randomly decided to turn around and run the other way.To this day I have no idea what he was thinking. It was against all reason.

What kind/size of TV, Xbox, controller, setup do you use when you game? I play on a standard XBox 360 with a black, wireless controller on a 32"Samsung LCD. To keep maximum attention, I play on a Full Tilt bar stool while I play, approximately 3 feet from my television.

There you have it. By the way, word on the street is that Mikalla69 (or something like that) wants to join the KofC too.

What a relief!

To be honest, I never thought I would make such an elite organization. Though my Warthog skillz and Unky Awareness are second to none (well, maybe Puyo), I just wasn't sure I had what it takes to be a Knight.

That said, I think all of you will be surprised at how much I have improved since the last time you've seen me play. I am no longer relegated to camp under the base with a shotgun in Gulch, but rather have become proficient with various weapons and tactics, including, but not limited to the Battle and Sniper rifles. I hope you will see this improvement and think more highly of Unky in the future.

To those who voted 'no', I will prove you wrong.

Congrats to Unky!

I would like to express my congratulations to Unky Warthog for passing the rigorous entry process into the KoC. This is BY FAR the most illustrious moment in Unky's Halo career, yet it still pales in comparison to this man's list of achievements, most notably this.



For all those wondering, my Halo 3 plans for post-work are as follows:
1. end work
2. happy hour with coworkers
3. play Halo 3 moderately drunk
I will be online with Tilla and maybe a guest or two around 7pm CDT, possibly earlier.

Unky Warthog: Does he have what it takes?

Unky Warthog is a mysterious player. While he has a terrible shot, poor Halo strategy, and is generally a detriment to his team in most slayers. He does have a knack for one thing; driving 'hogs. If you have the flag and can't decide to go man-cannon or run up the side, don't worry, Unky's there to pick you up.

But the real question is, do we want Unky in the Knights of Cydonia? Is that rare CTF game worth all the pain and agony of his ill-thrown grenades? Is the chance at capping worth the accidental melee to the back? (at least I assumed it was an accident.)

As you can see to the right there is a poll for Unky's future. For the record my vote is yes. The feeling of seeing a honking warthog behind the base when you have the flag is one that is indescribable. Plus, it's fun to say Unky!

Here are Unky's stats. You guys decide.