Knights of Cydonia: Get to Know 'Em (DammerWillEatU)

This is the final instalment of the first round of KofC interviews. I am sure we will have another round so everyone put your thinking caps on and think of a new line of standard questions. The interview with Dammer has a lot of inside jokes which I do not currently understand but hopefully this weekend they can be explained to me or recreated. On that note on to the interview...

Name: Jeff Hellman

Age: 22

If you could go out drinking with any 3 people, alive or dead, who would they be? The Luther College Drinking Team (LCDT - there is no I in team so we count as one entity), Andre the Giant, Alberto Salazar

Same question, replace drinking with video games: My 3 brothers. Simple Mario Partys turn into brawls, FPS games turn into shouting matches, my brother Mike is bad at vids and gets all whiny and quits, my brother Ben is better than me and it pisses me off. Surprisingly RPG is the only type that we can peacefully play at once. [Editor's Note: Three dudes playing RPGs is gay]

Halo 1, 2, or 3? It depends. If I'm looking for a game where the difference between horrible and good is the biggest I would choose Halo 1. One pistol, one spawn camp, three shots, one dead nubblet. If I'm looking for a game where there is excellent balance and even the best of players can get owned (most often by a nub with a mauler) then I want Halo 3. The thing I like best about Halo 3 is the variety of ways you can kill someone, and the variety of places to kill them from. That and it has matchmaking. If I had to choose right now what I wanna play I would choose Halo 3. Nostalgia, however, insists that I play a prolonged session of Halo 1 a couple of times each year. Notice Halo 2 didn't crop up in this discussion.

Preferred Halo 3 weapon? Battle Rifle. If the flamethrower didn't inevitably kill you it would be sweet.

Least favorite weapon? Plasma Pistol.

Preferred Halo 3 vehicle? Warthog, with the mongoose a close second. The bad thing about the mongoose is that I'm always so tempted to just drive instead of engage battle.
Least favorite vehicle? Brute Chopper because every time I use it I fail. That being said, a game of Demo with Brute Choppers would rock.

Greatest Halo memory? There really are too many to count. I think most of the ones that stand out to me have already been mentioned in Pollo's and SB's interviews. A personal favorite of mine is getting third behind SB/Pollo and the Cupids at a MegaLAN Halo 2 tourney, with nothing but myself and the worst Halo player ever as a teammate. You know you're in for a hard time when your teammate doesn't shoot and just throws grenades with the hope of getting someone before he dies.

Worst? Every time I wanted to play by myself and Cody (see player mentioned above) joined so I couldn't play ranked and I had to be on what was inevitably a losing team.

What is your favorite beverage? If I'm drinking with lots of people a couple red beers for taste and then a lot of 'Stones or Coors Lights to get drunk off of. If I'm drinking on a weeknight with just Pete, Sunset Blush. If I'm drinking on a Monday it's the Hawk. Seriously though, a cold Coors Light handed to me by a member of the LCDT, regardless of whether it's in or out of a boot.

What is your best drinking accomplishment? Individually sub-5:00 club. Teamwise, 5 guys, 5 sub-5:00's to come through in the clutch and close out Beerfest.

What size and type of TV do you play on? 46 inch Sharp Aquos. The same as Puyo's. One dead pixel in the left black sidebar of a 4:3 display. [Editor's Note: I have a dead pixel, and it accounts for at least one death every game, I am sure of it.]

What are your halo 3 strengths? My recent play has suggested I am learning to have a better K/D. Of course, with Daymonster in team doubles racking up the assists it helps. My overall strength I think is finding nubs and defeating them royally. If you look at games where we play horrible players I tend to lead. If you look at games where we play good players I'm middle of the pack.

Weaknesses? I'm learning to get out of this one, but I charge more than I should and I don't think through my grenades. I tend to throw two right after another in the same spot instead of anticipating where the enemy is moving to avoid the first throw.

Now that you are dating someone where you work what "Office couple" are you most like. Pam and Jim, Dwight and Angela, or Oscar and his boyfriend? Pam and Jim, only she has the same job as me so she has the same salary (unless my company doesn't pay women as much).

When can the Knights meet your new girlfriend? As soon as she's around when they visit me or I visit them. Last time I was with the Knights she wasn't considered my girlfriend. I offered the Poison concert but she has plans....which sucks cause now no one will take care of me when I'm blitzed off of free drinks. [Editor's Note: Rando Poison Fan Chick?]

Are you going to follow fellow KofC member Tilla and play house? Are you asking if I'm going to buy a house? Get married? Literally play house like a 4 year old? To all of the above: not in the immediate future.

Why do you look like such a wiener? Why do they still have this picture up?

How was it living with Josey for two years? It shoulda been more. Sophomore year took a turn for the worse and split us up, but we learned from it and became stronger friends. The trial run where Josey basically lived in my room J-Term junior year (the best month of life ever) solidified that we coulda co-existed. (speaking of why has nobody else mentioned that J-Term on this blog yet?) In the end I roomed with the horrible Halo player mentioned above and I have far more complaints about that than I ever will about Josey.

Do you think Squatting Bear has recently hid any fruit in your room? Probably. I'd rather have fruit than a bowl of shit though any day of the week.

Follow up question, if he did, how would you retaliate? Past history says I would probably take a Fosters and pour it all over his floor in a fit of drunken rage (I'm good for one of those every year), then take a sidewalk ice scraper, threaten him and then use it on myself causing a huge bruise on my quad. Following this I would calm down and drink more.

What is the best part about living in Owatonna? Proximity to everything. I'm 2 hours from home, an hour from Josey, SB, and Pollo, 2 hours from Luther (debatable about whether that's good or not).

How does it feel to be a victim of Asian rape chick? I go to my survivor meetings so it doesn’t feel as bad as it used to.

Please explain your legendary nasty farts: After drinking beer, my stomach exudes pure horribleness.

Favorite King's Cup Moment? Every time Dave was accused of playing guitar for girls. Close second, Josey refusing to say “Big Guy’s gay” after every sentence as dictated by the rule master.

Nel or Kay? To pwn? Kay by far. To eliminate from existence? Kay.