Tuesday, February 26, 2008

What's going on in Unky Eternal's life these days?

Saturday night. Joe and I went to a party on the 3rd floor of sabor and got really bombed. As I was walking home, i realized i had to go number 1, and i proceeded to do so. Joe was blacked out and doing the same thing. The problem was that we picked a horrible spot to do that (kitty corner from casey's gas station. for those of you that dont know where that is, it's an intersection ridden with drunkards every weekend in Decorah, IA), and a cop stopped me in my yellow tracks. Joe ran, and i decided that it was man-up time, and that i was going to have my way with that cop. He asked me what i was doing, and i was completely sincere with everything i said.

Cop - "Hi. Do you know why I stopped you?"
Me - "Yes. I was peeing."
Cop " Have you had anything to drink tonight?"
Me "Yes. Maybe 7-8 drinks?"
(That was the only part where i wasnt honest)
Cop "Are you 21? Can I see some ID?"
Me "Yes sir!" (with a proud tone of being 21 in my voice)
Cop "Do you know that what you were doing is illegal?"
Me "Yes, Im an idiot" (basically sums up what i said)
Cop "Yes you are, but at least you were honest about it. Usually I have to show people the yellow spot from where they peed."
Me "Im sorry. I meant no offense. I understand what I was doing was wrong, but think that there are worse things happening in this town right now than me urinating outside. I promise that this will never happen again."
Cop "Well, I appreciate your honesty and I agree with you...there are probably better things i could be doing with my time right now. Im gonna let you go with a verbal warning, and i better not catch you doing this again."
Me (sigh of relief and explosion of euphoria) "Thank you, sir! Good luck with the rest of your night!" (I then began to smile uncontrollably as i walked back to farwell)

Moral of the story: Honesty + 21 = invincibility.

Note: I had just gone to court 3 days prior to this incident to get my minor off of my record. I succeeded (mostly b/c i was 21, but also b/c i made up an awesome speech for the judge about why i think it is unfair that this offense stays on my record). The judge bought it. The minor will go off of my record if i dont get anymore alcohol violations for 6 months, which shouldnt be a problem considering im 21 now.
On the way back to luther from court, i got pulled over for flashing my brights at a cop. I thought his brights were on, and i always flash people with their brights on. I somehow talked my way out of that one too, and i felt a similar sense of satisfaction to the feeling i got after i was caught peeing.
That public urination could have turned into a public drunkeness, but it didnt, and i was victorious!

3 run-ins with the law in 4 days? No sweat. I pwnt the judicial system and the police last week!


Josey WaIes said...

Story is amazing, its stories like these that make this clan so good, great work Eternal!

I must add that you showed some major balls of steal, I dont think many people would have pulled the move you did, I dont think I would have, but now that I know it worked for you I will give it a shot next time I am caught peeing in public (this will happen for sure!).

Also I think my time in law school is being wasted. If our clan members have developed the abilities to avoid paying the debt to society they owe, on their own, and dont need legal assistance to avoid getting fucked by the long dick of the law, what purpose do I have being in law school?

Pete said...

i find it so funny you flashed your lights at a cop. hahahaha.

Pete said...

congrats, though, dave. very well done.

Dammer said...

You forget that I have a tendency to put myself in horrible horrible situations when I drink (see GAC trip number one). Josey I'm going to need you in the future, keep up the lawyer schooling!

Unky Eternal said...

I agree tim, i dont think being honest in your case would have worked. Im pretty sure that the biggest contributer for my case was that i was 21.
The cops didnt see joe. He escaped in to the black of the night while he was blacked the fuck out.
Dont worry Josey, I wont tell any nubs my secrets so you'll still have plenty of people to defend/prosecute.

Josey WaIes said...

Thanks Dave, but my main focus was goign to be on K of C memebers, I guess I will have to divert my attention to other rando nubs.